I've been MIA again, and so very much has happened that I am not even going to attempt an update on the girls tonight.... that will come as I plan on keeping up with this blog alot better in 2011.
Tonight I need to reflect on the year that has been and get some thoughts down that have been swirling for a while now, and it will be a little too deep for some.
2010 was a huge year for me, having just become a mother of two right at the end of 2009 this was too be expected, but the year took me further than I ever expected. Firstly, starting Verri Charmed has just been such a huge deal for me, I feel that it is a true reflection of myself, my only creative out let and creating each new thing has been such a joy for me... something just for me, something only about me, something I have come to care so very much about, something that I am so proud to say I have created all on my own..... that's never happened before.
However the most significant thing about 2010 for me, has been being a mum, a role that brings so much wonder, amazement, delight and above all love. Sharing this journey of parenthood with Luke is more than anything I could ever have hoped for in life, and I am thankful everyday for it. Having said that, it has changed me and unlocked things inside me that I didn't realise were there, both good and bad. I think first and foremost it brings up issues I never realised I had about being a product of divorced parents. I thought I was fine with it.... it turns out I'm not... there is so much I don't understand, so many feelings that I just can't articulate and I honestly wonder if I will ever be able to. I have no memory of my parents ever having been together, so I think some would think it should hurt less because I never knew life to be any different, but honestly it just raises more questions of "why?" for me. This year I have felt more isolated than ever............
What I learn from this is that I am lucky.... I have my husband, and I have my girls, and the three of them delight me more that I thought could ever be possible...
So from 2010 I have learnt:
More about love than I knew existed,
and That I am capable, brave and strong.
What do I want to learn from 2011??
Strength of mind,
Strength of body,
No more fear.
So sorry to have been so melancholy.... from now on I will be trying my best to look forward, as the past is just that and unchangable. The future with my family is what is important, but for now, I needed to put this into words.... to take some of the pressure off my mind.